It's really happening

By the end of this evening, I should have cut off a lifeline that has kept me, honestly, a little complacent. It isn't that I haven't been pursuing my goals daily, but, I've allowed myself to stay in a pretty perfectionist mindset, prioritising being at least 95% happy with a task before I complete it, rather than focusing on 'good enough' and moving to the next one.

Without this lifeline, there will be more pressure on me to get things done, faster. I think it won't be too much? Balancing the exact amount of eustress I need (over plain old stress) is tricky. See, now I'm just getting perfectionistic about finding the exact amount of pressure I need to work efficiently without my mental health deteriorating, haha...

Pretty happy with how I did last week. It's hard to just say 'I'm happy with it' because I always, always see where I could have done more, and done better. But I gotta remind myself that I was in a very different place a year ago than I am today, and I have come very far from that point. And life will never reach an end point where I am 100% efficient with my time 24/7.

You can only aim to live your life in such a way that the act of living leaves you satisfied with your efforts. There is no end point where you go "ah, I'm now in a state of perfection, and can now do everything I wish with zero emotional/mental/financial/whatever friction". To believe you're perfect is to kill off your ability to grow; because it's guaranteed you are not perfect. Such an absolute doesn't truly exist when it comes to human beings, no matter how we might try and pursue it.

So yeah. I really gotta stop aiming for 'perfect' when that's a false idea to begin with. Honestly, I think the solution is to continue to read more philosophy books. I just read one by Carlo Strenger that has helped me with these thoughts a little (The Fear of Insignificance).

So this one messy human will continue to look for ways to make bigger and more beautiful messes, and try not to sweat the details quite so much............................................................ we'll see how that goes.

☑ weekly planner accountability check-in with dental plan ryuji pic.twitter.com/84AMDvGukW

— sassa: 100% (@AWildSassaApprs) May 22, 2019

Actual work desk soon?!

So I've just been working on our dining table for the last couple years, or on the coffee table, neither of which is exactly optimised for a computer setup. But!!! Last night I ordered a desk for myself and my partner, after comparing... so... so many online. I'll have a real workspace!

I'm really nervous about it because I went through eBay... at first I was going to use DShop, but they just have so many bad reviews... like, 50% of customers report damaged, clearly secondhand furniture being delivered without the screws needed to put it together, totally different type of desk delivered etc... and that getting a reply out of their customer service team is near-impossible. So even though half the people shopping there seem okay, it just doesn't seem like it's worth the risk.

The eBay seller probably is sourcing their desks from the same warehouse as DShop, I suspect, but I feel a little more confident having eBay's buyer protection stuff and PayPal's refund stuff. I compared all the sellers on eBay with the type of desk I wanted, and then carefully read all their user feedback - the one I picked hadn't really sold many pieces of furniture, and they didn't have 100% positive reviews, but I liked that they at least responded to the couple negative feedback messages they received... like, buying something and then having the seller refuse to respond at all is the worst. Though even if there was a problem and that happened, again, eBay protection...

So, I really hope the desks work out, I don't wanna have to go through finding one again... but at the very least, I'm unlikely to have just thrown my money into a void... though I hope they aren't damage and require me to send them back because yikes, the idea of repackaging a desk sounds like the worst.

Anyway, just needed to get that out somewhere. Here's my planner accountability check!

☑ weekly planner accountability check-in. It's been a heck of a packed week, only a smidgen of it is captured in here...

With Rapunzel AU Yusuke! pic.twitter.com/AwwYNFu9Fi

— sassa: 100% (@AWildSassaApprs) May 14, 2019

Chihaya page!

☑ Weekly planner accountability post! With excellent Mishima and Morganya art for this week 💛✨ pic.twitter.com/iGVRqFfWfZ

— sassa: 100% (@AWildSassaApprs) April 23, 2019

☑ weekly planner accountability check in... I'm only a few days late...but look... Chihaya Cute™

@/mhaikkun drew all the pages for April... I think it's my favourite month in the planner. Every page has been so gorgeous! pic.twitter.com/DE7SZisXia

— sassa: 100% (@AWildSassaApprs) May 2, 2019

The art for April has all been so gorgeous, ahhhhhh. Another 2x week post because last week was PACKED so other than tweeting my planner I didn't have time to post here as well. Well. I didn't make time.

I do like the low level option of tweeting the planner to cover me for the week, but then coming back here when I have a moment to catch my breath and document anything else I wanna note for posterity/reflection.

I've finally been back on sifrol for my RLS over the last fortnight-ish (the previous GP I saw about renewing my prescription was new, didn't have access to my original prescription and was hesitant to write me a script when I saw her, so I wound up... going off my meds for about 10 months because seeing a second doctor to write the prescription = $$$). But I finally got around to seeing a new doctor last month, who was happy to prescribe it given my history with it (it has some side effects that the first one was worried about but... I'd already been taking it for a year without experiencing those... sigh).

ANYWAY. The good news is now that I'm back on the sifrol, my improved sleep has really been helping with my daily levels of motivation, focus and capacity to face tasks that are out of my comfort zone. I really need to make sure I never let another doctor put me off renewing my prescription like that, the difference I'm feeling after 2+ weeks back on sifrol is amazing. I'm really glad I'm one of the people who doesn't experience bad side effects from it, because normally I'm the unlucky person who does. (For example, valerian helps most people sleep but for 20% of the population, including me, it makes us MORE awake).

There's certainly many factors to consider when I look at my improved capacity to get things done recently, but I honestly feel my improved sleep from the sifrol has been a significant factor. So, yay for finally getting my prescription renewed!